The Seniority Blog
A Zillion Kisses ©2012
By Arlene Uslander
Relaxing on the living room couch after a morning of errands, I stared idly out the window, admiring the sprawling crab apple tree on my front lawn. Now in full bloom, it had started out as a scrawny twig thirty-four years ago.
A frail, elderly man and a small child a blonde, curly haired girl walked past my window. The man was tightly clasping the little girl’s hand in the protective, caring way that a grandparent holds onto a young child. The pair smiled at one another, the old man bending his head; the little girl straining hers upward. I would have given anything, at that moment, to have a camera close by. (This was before the days of IPOD phones that did everything but prepare dinner and lay out one’s clothes for work for the following day.) The expression of joy that passed between adult and child could have been adequately captured only by a photograph, not by mere words.
Then they walked on, slowly, ever so slowly. It was, after all, a hot day, and the old man could not walk very fast. And, it was, after all, a long street, and the little girl’s legs weren’t long enough to move very fast. I watched them as they walked, their strides matching perfectly.
I suddenly found myself thinking far back to a similar scene, on another street, in another time, when an old man held a little girl by the hand. They, too, walked along slowly, sharing special dreams and important secrets, the way only a grandparent and grandchild can. My grandfather and me.
And I also recall a question one of my sons asked me at about age ten. “How tall was Grandpa?” he wanted to know, while turning the pages of a time worn family album. “Oh, about five feet ten,” I replied.
“Is that all?” my son asked, an incredulous look on his face. “I remember him as being much taller. To me, Grandpa was a giant!”
When I used to teach school, I was very much aware of how most of the children felt about their grandparents. I saw the excitement on their faces and heard it in their voices when they told me they were going to sleep over night at Grandma and Grandpa’s.
I heard the fear in a child’s voice when a grandparent was ill and the child didn’t know when or if he or she would see that grandparent again.
I saw the tears streaming down cheeks and felt the anguish in hearts when a grandparent died. I still remember seven year old Jill saying, “When my great-grandpa died, I was so sad: I cried twenty-four Kleenex boxes full of tears.” Julie, who had recently lost a grandmother and wasn’t about to be outdone by Jill, reported, “And I cried a whole river of tears!”
Another time when the children were given an assignment to write about whether they would rather travel to the past or the future if they could take a trip in a time machine, I remember Alex writing: “To the past definitely to the past. I’d like to travel back to when my grandpa was young so we could do so many fun things together, like playing baseball and running up and down hills.”
When I once asked a first-grade class what a grandparent is, this was one youngster’s definition: “A grandparent is someone with a big, soft lap, a jar full of cookies, and a zillion kisses just for you.”
There are many kinds of love: the love between a man and a woman, between parent and child, between sister and brother, between dear friends. But I really don’t think there is any kind of love as pure and deep, as unselfish and undemanding– as enduring, and as unconditional — as the love between grandparent and grandchild.
A zillion kisses, you know, can last a very, very long time, leaving a whole lifetime of warm memories.
Arlene Uslander is the proud grandmother of 4 grandchildren, ages 20, 19, 18, and 5 (from her two sons and their wives). The three older ones are now at the age/stage where the relationship between grandparent and grandchildren is one of friendship as much as anything else. And the 5-year-old, who came along unexpectedly? There is no way to describe the joy he has brought into the lives of Arlene and her husband, Ira. Just no way!!!
Arlene is the author of 16 books, including That’s What Grandparents Are For, an illustrated book of verse celebrating the special bond between grandparents and grandchildren; (she is currently working on a sequel, That’s What Grandchildren Are For), and her latest publication, which she co-authored/edited with Brenda Warneka, is an award-winning anthology of true inspirational stories entitled: The Mystery of Fate: Common Coincidence or Divine Intervention? Visit her website: www.thefatesite.com
9 Common Alzheimer’s Myths
Dementia is not a normal part of aging
By Paula Spencer Scott, Caring.com senior editor
Myth 1: “Mom can’t have Alzheimer’s — she remembers all kinds of things.”
Alzheimer’s disease affects newly learned information or recent memories first. Memories of the more distant past — including arcane details such as names and places — may endure for some time. The majority of longer-held memories don’t typically erode noticeably until the middle stage of the disease. That’s why someone recently diagnosed can often recall things in the past quite well.
In addition, an Alzheimer’s patient has good days and bad days, sometimes appearing to improve or to function in a “back to normal” way for short periods. Sufferers also tend to retain basic social skills during the early stages of the disease — including the ability to “rise to the occasion” by doing their best to cover up potentially embarrassing or disruptive signs of the disease, like disorientation or memory loss.
Myth 2: “If you live long enough, you’ll get Alzheimer’s.”
Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia aren’t an inevitable part of aging. True, almost everyone forgets things occasionally from middle age on. But not everyone develops a brain disorder that affects cognition (thinking ability), including memory, judgment, and eventually personality and behavior — which is what Alzheimer’s is. Millions of people reach their 70s, 80s, and even 90s with good memories and relatively little decline in mental abilities.
Myth 3: “Alzheimer’s only affects the elderly.”
It’s true that the vast majority of people with Alzheimer’s disease are older than 65, including half of all people older than 85. In fact, for each five-year span beyond 65, the percentage of people with the disease doubles, according to the National Institute on Aging. But a particular rare form of the disease, early-onset Alzheimer’s, can affect adults as young as their 30s. It strikes most commonly in the 50s. Early-onset Alzheimer’s disease accounts for only between 5 to 10 percent of the more than 4.5 million Americans with Alzheimer’s.
Myth 4: “Most people with Alzheimer’s are oblivious to their symptoms.”
Typically, those in the early stage of Alzheimer’s disease or other common forms of dementia do realize, at least part of the time, that something’s wrong. (Whether they recognize it as Alzheimer’s is another matter.) Most people with the disorder are aware that they’re experiencing memory lapses, for example, or that they’re starting to have trouble doing certain familiar tasks (following a favorite card game, cooking a particular recipe). Insight varies by individual, and the degree of awareness can shift from day to day.
Depending on their level of awareness and attitude toward correction, people with Alzheimer’s may appreciate being gently told when they make a mistake due to memory loss, disorientation, or another disease symptom. On the other hand, self-awareness of symptoms can make someone frustrated, angry, scared, or socially withdrawn. As the disease progresses and symptoms worsen, awareness of the situation is likely to decline.
Myth 5: “My parent has Alzheimer’s, so I’ll probably get it too.”
Having a parent or sibling with Alzheimer’s does increase your risk for developing the disease compared to someone without a familial link. But it doesn’t mean you’re likely to get it. Family history only increases your risk slightly.
The role of genetics in the development of Alzheimer’s disease is still under investigation. Researchers have identified a “risk gene” called APOE-e4 (apoliprotein E-e4). APOE-e4 is one of three common forms of the APOE-e gene. Everybody inherits some form of that gene. Inheriting APOE-e4 from one or both parents is known to raise the risk of developing Alzheimer’s. But how this works is unknown, and it’s likely other genes are also involved.
Specific forms of Alzheimer’s disease are more likely to run in families: for example, familial Alzheimer’s disease, an early-onset type that accounts for fewer than 10 percent of people with Alzheimer’s. It’s caused by one of several rare gene mutations. More common forms of the disease, those with a “late onset,” however, don’t demonstrate a clear pattern of heredity.
Genetic tests are available that can identify the form of the APOE gene a person has, as well as the known rare gene mutations. A special lab must run these blood tests; a genetic counselor can assess the risks and benefits of testing for the possibility of a disease for which there is no cure. Most doctors don’t recommend routine testing. But you should decide what’s right for the person you’re caring for and her family.
Myth 6: “Alzheimer’s disease is preventable.”
There’s no known way to prevent Alzheimer’s disease because the cause isn’t known. Although researchers are learning more and more about the disease, they haven’t yet identified the reason that brain cells progressively fail. The best you can do is try to reduce your risk.
Purported causes of Alzheimer’s that have been discredited include getting flu shots, having amalgam fillings (the “silver” kind), and exposure to aluminum (such as eating or drinking from aluminum containers). Research is continuing on whether certain people are vulnerable to the presence of metals in food.
Note that having a risk factor doesn’t mean you’ll get the disease. It simply raises the possibility.
Women are more often affected (they also live longer, and the risk increases with age). Obesity, smoking, and alcohol consumption are suspected but aren’t considered strong risk factors.
Aside from advancing age and a genetic link, factors associated with higher risk of developing Alzheimer’s include:
- Serious head injury
- Heart disease
- High cholesterol
- High blood pressure
- Type 2 diabetes
- Glaucoma
- Being female
Myth 7: “Dad’s Alzheimer’s will make him an angry and aggressive person, and he will lash out at us eventually.”
It’s a common worry that patients with Alzheimer’s will eventually turn irate or violent. Aggression is less common than you might think, however. It’s not a guaranteed part of one’s experience with the disease. It’s likely that someone with Alzheimer’s or other forms of dementia will feel frustrated or angry at times — perhaps especially when in an unfamiliar environment or when he’s embarrassed — but he may not express those emotions as violent outbursts.
The disease affects people differently. In fact, some people become more reserved or timid as the disease progresses. There are many ways to manage the full gamut of behaviors prompted by the disease.
Myth 8: “Alzheimer’s symptoms are reversible.”
A great deal can be done to treat and manage Alzheimer’s symptoms, slowing the pace of decline and helping someone with the disease retain independence and quality of life for longer than if these things went unattended. This is especially true with an early diagnosis. Possibilities include medications, environmental cues, cognitive therapy, and treatment for related conditions, such as depression.
Ultimately, however, Alzheimer’s is a progressive disease. A person may function fairly well for years in its early stage, or may decline rapidly. But there’s currently no way to reverse its progress or cure it.
Myth 9: “There’s no bright side to an Alzheimer’s diagnosis.”
It would be sugar-coating to suggest that Alzheimer’s is not a particularly difficult disease for the sufferer, the caregiver, or the patient’s family. It progressively robs her of her brain and, in turn, her personality, and it places a considerable emotional, financial, and practical burden on all those providing care. Many people do, however, come to appreciate some positives that can come from this hard situation.
Many adult children, for example, derive deep personal satisfaction and pride from meeting the challenge head-on and making their parents’ last years safe and comfortable. The crisis can be an opportunity to purposefully reconnect and share quiet quality time as a family. Some people realize that “now’s the time,” before a parent’s memory deteriorates further, to record a family history or sit down together and identify the faces in old photographs.
Another silver lining: Alzheimer’s diagnosis often brings together scattered or estranged family members as they work in concert to provide care.
Easy Exercise for Seniors
Here is a summary of some excellent reasons we need to exercise as we age, according to the Mayo Clinic, Centers for Disease Control (CDC), and the National Institutes of Health (NIH):
Reasons To Exercise
- Is good for your heart
- Stabilizes blood pressure
- Increases proper lung functioning
- Improves back pain
- Decreases joint pain and stiffness
- Is excellent for weight control
- Strengthens the immune system
- Helps manage diabetes and glucose levels
- Increases muscles strength
- Improves flexibility
- Helps with arthritis pain, including rheumatoid arthritis
- Helps maintain good balance
- Improves overall walking ability
- Reduces falls and injuries
- Strengthens bones and improves bone density
- Lifts your mood and helps with depression
- Calms and relaxes, and can ease anxiety
- Improves aging and sleep problems
- Lessens daytime drowsiness
* Improves restless leg syndrome (RLS) and leg cramps
* Can provide important social activity too
We may know all this. But do we do it? Many of us still resist – but why? Sometimes out of habit, sometimes for health reasons. Maybe we think we don’t have time. Or maybe we’re just a little lazy? Some of us think exercise can be flat-out boring.
As far as I’m concerned, first and foremost, it’s got to be fun. I am one of those who resist exercise unless it is really appealing. Or necessary, like house work and yard work. And yes, those are included as forms of exercise. I also have to bribe myself to exercise – give myself a special reward when I’m done. Plus it’s got to be easy – and exercise for seniors and boomers can be very easy, including while sitting and reclining.
How Much Exercise Is Enough For Seniors?
According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the average person 65 years or older, exercise for seniors should ideally include both:
Aerobic (cardio) exercise to increase heart and lungs activity;
Plus strength training for the various muscle groups.
The major muscle groups include: arms, shoulders, chest, abdomen, back, hips, and legs. Exercise for seniors should include using these muscles groups several times per week.
Here is a simple breakdown of the ideal amount of exercise for seniors:
2 ½ hours of moderate aerobic (cardio) exercise each week (including brisk walking) and muscle strengthening for all muscle groups a couple days a week; OR
1 hour and 15 minutes of vigorous aerobics and muscle strengthening for all muscle groups a couple days a week.
Any of this can be done in (at least) 10 minute segments throughout the day and week. It takes a good 10 minutes of any activity for it to really be effective. Stretching and joint exercises can also be included.
And what is considered moderate exercise for some seniors may be vigorous for others. Like walking. It depends on what shape your body is in, what you are used to, and your overall health. Moderate exercise will simply make your heart beat faster and you will breathe harder.
With vigorous exercise like running, you will also break into a sweat. Sweating is healthy for you, of course, for your liver and for cleansing toxins out of your body. Just be sure to shower afterwards, or the toxins can be reabsorbed, one of my health professional friends has advised me. And as we age we should always consult our doctors or health professionals regarding exercise for seniors and middle-aged folks too, especially if we have health issues.
This all may seem like a tall order. At least to me.
Sometimes you have to first just get started in a small way, and then build it up. I know that if I jump into anything too fast and too much, I won’t keep it up.
Exercise for seniors is meant to be flexible and fun, even social. If you don’t know where to start, check out the following possibilities in your area:
- Senior center
- Fitness club
- Church groups
- Some local clinics and wellness centers offer exercise classes
- YWCA or YMCA
- Community center
Whatever you choose to do, be sure to always consult your medical professional first if you have any concerns. And pay attention to your own body. The most important thing is – to get moving – even in a small way!
Diabetes and the Glycemic Index
What is the glycemic index, and should you use it to help keep blood glucose levels in check and help prevent obesity, high blood pressure and elevated blood lipids (total cholesterol, LDL cholesterol and triglycerides) — all of which increase your risk of developing diabetes complications?
The “glycemic index” is the amount that a particular carbohydrate raises the blood glucose level as compared with a slice of white bread, which is a reference point with a glycemic index of 100. Foods with a glycemic index higher than 100, such as instant rice, cause a faster and greater surge in blood glucose. Kidney beans score low at 38, as glucose jumps much less after eating them.
A number of books and diet doctors advocate low-glycemic-index diets. Because foods with a low glycemic index (such as whole grains and most fruits and vegetables) do not produce as rapid an increase in blood glucose levels when eaten, proponents of these diets claim that they are more healthful than foods with a high index (such as white bread, candy and soda). Based on this reasoning, proponents say that low-glycemic-index foods should constitute the greatest proportion of your carbohydrate intake.
The glycemic index can encourage better carbohydrate choices, such as consuming more fiber and fewer high-sugar foods, but it may also lead to worse choices, such as avoiding carbohydrates altogether and eating fattier foods.
There are certain limitations to the glycemic index even theoretically: For instance, it considers the effect only of the carbohydrate and not the other foods you are putting in your stomach at the same time, each of which can affect blood glucose response.
In our opinion, then, focusing on and calculating the glycemic index of each carbohydrate you eat is often too complicated and burdensome. Choosing healthy carbohydrates is certainly beneficial, but this does not have to be done with a careful glycemic index calculation.
Home Safety: Looking at the Bigger Picture
Kathryn Kilpatrick, M.A. CCC/SLP
Once a loved one is showing early signs of poor judgment, decreased orientation to time and place, anxiety and/or confusion, the environment in which they are living may need some adaptions while everyone is trying to figure out the best next step.
It is never too soon to start those sometimes difficult conversations about moving closer to family or to a smaller home in the same area, perhaps with all the rooms on one floor. Maybe it is time to talk about bringing in additional help or looking at an independent or assisted living residence. Postponing these discussions can only increase the safety issues where an older adult is currently living, especially if the person is living alone.
I was grateful that my mom chose to move into an apartment after forty years in the home where I grew up. That last evening before the move took place, I remember reminiscing about the memories in our home, room by room. She had many years in her new apartment without the hassle of yard work or repairs. The move to an assisted living was a proactive one, not one she was too excited about. Eventually she even admitted it was really the best thing to do in the long run. Mom was able to enjoy more than two years in an environment that was not only lovely but allowed her options when she chose to stop driving and also after she fell and broke her hip.
My move will be coming in the next few years. Leaving a space I love and adore where the outside views of nature, lots of trees and many deer visiting on a daily basis is going to be hard but I know it is the smart thing to do. Hopefully I will not face any major challenges but doing home health care for more than three decades, I have seen it all and need to “practice what I preach” to my aging clients and their adult children.
Over the years I have seen patients who had strokes or other physical limitations and the only way they could get out of their homes for medical appointments was by ambulance. One home was built on a hill and there were over thirty steps to the front door and the back had a pathway with a very steep incline. In this case, the family had to immediately start looking for a place to move their parents, who were in their eighties. Like so many, this couple just never wanted to leave their home where they raised their children. In some cases, I have seen homes where the older adult was able to stay, at least for a few years more. There was a bathroom on the first floor, they made the dining room the bedroom and had a wheelchair lift installed outside so they could get out of the home more easily. Others have installed a chair lift to be able to get upstairs and in some cases another one to be able to get to the basement.
One of my friends recently built a home and knew that the stairs would be problem for her aging parents when they visited, so they installed an elevator. She was also looking ahead since this was a home she hoped to be able to live in once she was retired. What will you look at as you approach those retirement years? One family built a new home on one floor and added a section for their aging parents who lived out of town but wanted to be closer to the grandchildren. This is a plan that began as a discussion many years ago when a set of possibilities were put on the table. As the health status of one of the parents changed, it was easier to put the plan that best fit the situation into action.
“Safety isn’t expensive, it is priceless.” Author Unknown
Taking the Distance out of Long-Distance Grandparenting
Long distance grandparenting is not a new issue, but the development of technology over the past few years has made a tremendous difference in our ability to cope with it. Of course, the first thing to accomplish is what my wife and I had to do, which is to accept the geographic distance and do things to “shrink the world.” The Internet is being used for many things, both good and bad, but for the senior community it is truly “the window to the world,” especially when it comes to family. I hope you enjoy reading this article as much as I did, and as much as Arlene did writing it.
–Ira Uslander
Taking the Distance out of Long-Distance Grandparenting
By Arlene Uslander
When I found out that my 2-year-old grandson, Eric, was going to move 8,000 miles away from me, with his parents, all the way to Guam, my reaction most closely matched that of a friend who told me, “If my grandchild moved that far away, I would absolutely die!” And I thought I would, from a broken heart.
For months before Eric left, every time I was with him, all I could think about was that soon, I wouldn’t be with him. Yet, when the time finally arrived and he left, I began to realize that there was nothing I could do to change the situation – that the only thing I could change was my reaction to the situation. So I stopped feeling sorry for myself, and started thinking more about my grandchild, and what I could do to make the transition as easy for him as possible.
By comparing notes with other “long-distance grandparents” and by trying my own ideas, I found that there are many things one can do to keep the relationship between you and the grandchildren alive and well. Here are some ideas:
Internet Video Communication. Whoever came up with the idea for Skype and other Internet voice-video programs that allow people not only to talk to each other, but to see and talk to each other via the computer, must have been a grandparent whose grandchildren lived far away. Webcams have been around for a number of years, but when they first came out, the image one saw on the screen was very small, and there was usually a delay in hearing the sound. Today, due to ever-increasing advances in technology, the visual part covers the whole screen, and you can carry on a conversation with someone or ones on the other side of the country – on the other part of the world! What a fantastic thing for grandparents and grandchildren.
Voice recordings. Whether on audio cassettes or hand-held digital recorders, your grandchildren can play the cassettes over and over again. Shortly after Eric moved away, I sent him a cassette that I called “Eric’s Friends,” on which I recorded the voices of people who were important to him. Some of the people I recorded in person; others I taped over the phone. Each person reminded Eric of special times they had shared with him, and at the end of the message, each would ask, “Do you know who this is?” so it would be like a little game for him. You can read story books on the cassette or digital recorder and mail the book, along with the cassette, so your grandchildren can turn the pages and look at the pictures as they hear you read the story.
Video tapes. Shortly after Eric moved to Guam, his sister, Carly, was born. So now there were two little ones with whom I wanted to connect. If you can’t see your grandchildren in person, and they can’t see you, the next best thing is seeing each other via Internet video communication as mentioned above, and next is on video tape. Knowing that we couldn’t be with Eric to celebrate his 2nd birthday, or with Carly to celebrate her first, the rest of our family made “Happy Birthday” videos. We all wore birthday hats, including the two family dogs; we sang to our grandchildren and recited their favorite nursery rhymes and stories. You can video tape yourself reading story books aloud, and send the children the book along with the video tape or DVD.
Photographs. Photographs are one of the best ways to take away some of the distance. I continued to send Eric photos of the people and things he most enjoyed back in Chicago, where we lived, and where he spent his first two years of life. After he and Carly visited us, I sent them each a small photo album filled with pictures of the things they saw in Chicago, and the things we did together. Once digital cameras came out, we found that sharing photos via the computer is a wonderful way to stay in touch and to feel like you are part of your grandchildren’s special occasions and events, and vice versa.
Gifts. Even if you’re not too handy with crafts (as I’m not), you can make simple things that appeal to children: sock puppets, yarn dolls, and little houses or farms from shoe boxes or other small boxes, for which you can purchase inexpensive animals and figures at discount stores. Whenever you send your grandchildren a gift, ask their parents to show them your picture, so they know that the gift came from you.
Phone calls. These will be important to you as well as your grandchildren. When you talk to them, mention the names of people and things with which they are familiar. Repeat the child’s name and the name he or she calls you, during the conversation. Even if your grandchild is too young to carry on a real conversation, he/she isn’t too young to listen.
Visits. NOTHING can take the place of time spent together. When you do visit with your grandchildren, arrange special times to spend with them without their parents. This will help you and your grandchildren become re-acquainted, and will also give the parents some time to themselves. Take the children to places they especially enjoy, and to places they have never been. Arrange for quiet time to be alone with each child: to read stories, exchange confidences, and to give some extra hugs and kisses.
Email. As the children get older and learn to use a computer, emailing is the best thing ever invented to connect grandparents and grandchildren who live apart. And don’t forget the fax machine. I will never forget the time I received a fax from then 3-year-old Eric (dictated to his parents) that said, “I will sing one hundred songs for you.” Eric is now 20 years old, and I am still waiting for that first song. But that’s OK. At least he and his 18-year-old sister, and 5-year-old brother live in California, as do their grandfather, Ira, and I. Now, we have to think of ways to connect with our 19-year-old grandson, Ryan, who still lives in Chicago.
Arlene Uslander is the author of 16 books, including That’s What Grandchildren Are For, and her latest award-winning book: The Mystery of Fate: Common Coincidence or Divine Intervention? Visit her website: www.thefatesite.com